The Marauder's Abridged History Book
by Bassoonish Eicher
Summary: They've had a Map; they've had an Advice Column, now all they need is a a history... Book? Now whose idea was that? Mr. Moony denies having suggested it. Mr. Padfoot disagrees. And thus starts the continued insanity.
1. Where It Begins

Messrs. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs

Purveyors of Aids to Magical Mischief-Makers

are proud to present

The Marauder's Abridged History Book

Mr. Moony would like to inform the reader of this history that this work is not a real history, but, rather, a history of the Marauders during their time at Hogwarts, including a detailed version of how the Marauders met and details on some of the more spectacular pranks pulled.

Mr. Wormtail thought that the Marauders were rewriting the History of Magic textbook.

Mr. Padfoot agrees with Mr. Wormtail.

Mr. Prongs wonders why the Marauders are starting their history book like this.

Mr. Moony wonders if Messrs. Wormtail and Padfoot have ever even touched their History of Magic textbooks, and has seen this type of thing at the beginning of all good history books, and thought it would be appropriate.

Mr. Wormtail wonders what the point of this is.

Mr. Padfoot agrees with Mr. Wormtail.

Mr. Moony recalls it to be called an 'Author's Note', and remembers that it explains a bit about the text.

Mr. Wormtail thinks it is pointless.

Mr. Padfoot agrees with Mr. Wormtail.

Mr. Prongs thinks that this history will need some explaining, as the Marauders rarely make any sense.

Mr. Moony is astonished that Mr. Prongs agrees with him.

Mr. Prongs thinks that Mr. Moony should do the recording of the history, as Mr. Moony is the most sophisticated and academic Marauder, and is most likely to record the adventures of the Marauders accurately.

Mr. Padfoot is amazed at Mr. Prongs.

Mr. Prongs would like to remind Mr. Padfoot that this history will probably be quite long, and the original plan was for the Marauders to share in the writing of it.

Mr. Padfoot agrees with Mr. Prongs thinking Mr. Moony is very sophisticated and academic, and would like to add that Mr. Moony has the best memory out of the Marauders, and can recall the actual events as they happened.

Mr. Wormtail doesn't get it.

Mr. Moony is not going to let Messrs. Padfoot and Prongs get out of helping write that easily, but thinks that Mr. Wormtail may have a chance at getting out of most of it.

Mr. Wormtail pleads that he has a very bad memory.

Mr. Padfoot would like to use the puppy dog face card at this time.

Mr. Moony rejects the use of the puppy dog face card, and regretfully agrees that Mr. Wormtail has a bad memory.

Mr. Padfoot thinks Mr. Moony is very cruel.

Mr. Prongs knew the efforts were futile, but still thinks Mr. Moony would make the history that much better if he wrote.

Mr. Moony agrees that he does have the best handwriting of the Marauders, but is still going to make Messrs. Padfoot and Prongs write some of the history, and thinks that the Marauders should actually start the Marauder's Abridged History Book.

Mr. Prongs wonders where the Marauders should start.

Mr. Moony believes that the pudding incident at the Marauder's sorting feast is the best place to start, as that was how the Marauders met.

_The tale of the Marauders starts at with the naming of the Marauders, Messrs. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs, but the true tale starts at the sorting feast of the Marauder's First Year at Hogwarts. More importantly, it starts with the Bread Pudding during the desert part of the feast, not the Marauders' having all been sorted into Gryffindor, or them having sat in the same compartment on the train to Hogwarts. No, it started with the pudding. _

Mr. Padfoot would like to point out that the pudding incident wouldn't have happened if the Marauders hadn't been all sorted into Gryffindor, and thus thinks that the tale starts there, not with the pudding.

Mr. Prongs argues that if it was the sorting, then it would've been the Sorting Hat's Song to start the tale, as the Marauders were mentioned in the song.

Mr. Padfoot concedes to Mr. Prongs, and thus agrees.

Mr. Moony would like to move on with the story.

_So instead, it was the Sorting Hat's Song that started the mayhem known as the Marauders. For the Marauders would have never thought of a suitable name if they hadn't remembered that song, and named themselves the Marauders._

Mr. Wormtail thinks that the Marauders would have come up with a good name regardless of the song.

Mr. Moony wonders why the song matters if the Marauders would've had a good name regardless.

Mr. Prongs reminds Mr. Moony that they wouldn't be the Marauders if it weren't for the song, because they would've picked a different name instead of the Marauders.

Mr. Moony wonders why Mr. Wormtail interrupted if that was the case.

_So it was the song that inspired the marauders to become the Marauders, but the four would've never realized they were to be the Marauders if it weren't for their being sorted into Gryffindor._

Mr. Padfoot thinks they wouldn't have realized it if it weren't for the bread pudding, not the sorting.

Mr. Moony would like the Marauders to stop interrupting the story.

Mr. Padfoot thinks Mr. Moony is being hypocritical.

Mr. Moony wants Mr. Padfoot to shut up.

_And if it weren't for the bread pudding, the Marauders wouldn't have become what they are today. _

Mr. Prongs thinks that Mr. Moony is boring.

Mr. Padfoot agrees, and thinks Mr. Prongs could do better.

Mr. Prongs will do better.

_And there they stood, scared to death that they'd have to face a troll, but that was just their parents trying to fool them. But they were still scared of where they'd end up, and who they'd have to share a dorm with. And then they were led into the hall, by a professor, Professor McGonagall. All that awaited them was an old hat on a stool. Before they knew it, the hat burst into song. But the song was terrible, and the rhyming was all out of place. Four of the new students wondered why the song wasn't better, but they all listened regardless, each wanting to get into a good house, preferable Gryffindor. Yes, Gryffindor would suit them just fine._

_In times long past,_

_When I was still on Godric's Head,_

_The founders would sort the children_

_And then send them off to bed._

_But now it's my turn_

_To sort you where you'll go_

_For I can see your minds,_

_And see the seeds you'll sow._

_Based on your heart's qualities,_

_I'll separate you out,_

_Off to a house you'll soon call home, _

_I just hope you won't pout._

_First is Gryffindor,_

_A home for the brave_

_Lions, the lot of them,_

_But courage is all the rave._

_And then there's Slytherin,_

_You'll find cunning is the tide,_

_A snake's den, if you ask me,_

_Where all the sly reside._

_Can't forget Hufflepuff, _

_Most loyal you'll ever meet,_

_A kind badger, you'll see._

_Always ready to greet._

_And evermore is Ravenclaw,_

_Filled to the brim with smarts,_

_Quick as the raven,_

_They'll always know their parts._

_And now, a warning I give you of times to be,_

_So I tell you of the four who enter now;_

_Rule breaking is their specialty,_

_For they claim to be the Marauders..._

_And now the sorting begins!_

"_Abbott, Jacob," Professor called out, they all felt sorry for the poor bloke who had to endure being sorted first. The hat sorted him into Hufflepuff._

"_Albequet, Miles." He was sorted into Ravenclaw_

"_Black, Sirius," And so Mr. Padfoot was sorted into Gryffindor, the first of the four._

"_Bones, Evan," Hmmm, a slimy Slytherin._

"_Evans, Lily," Another Gryffindor, a girl this time._

"_Eicher, Rachelle," And another Gryffindor, soon to be a dorm mate of Lily._

"_Lupin, Remus," And the next of the Marauders was sorted._

"_Pettigrew, Peter," And the third Marauder in to Gryffindor._

"_Potter, James," And at last, the Marauders were sorted, each into Gryffindor._

"_Snape, Severus," The Marauders' soon-to-be enemy was sorted into Slytherin._

"_Now, eat!" Dumbledore proclaimed with gusto, knowing his students were very hungry after the sorting. And the students were really hungry, naturally. Around the hall, Muggle-borns gasped as the plates filled with food. It definitely wasn't something they had ever seen in the Muggle world, but this was the magical world. And in the magical world, there was an inextinguishable amount of pudding, essential for the survival of the Marauders. Well, the pudding was inextinguishable until it landed on Mr. Moony's head. It would have been much more hilarious if the pudding had kept coming after landing on his head._

_It was time for dessert, and the desserts had just appeared. The four marauders looked around for their favorite, before spotting it, all at the same time. Naturally, they all grabbed for it, and a tug-a-war ensued. And who won? Mr. Moony won the tug-a-war, of course. But in all reality, Messrs. Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs all just let go at the same time, accidentally, of course. Maybe it was fate that the pudding landed on Mr. Moony's head, and that Mr. Moony declared revenge by sprinkling itching powder on his dorm mates' beds, and that doing that caused the Marauders to declare a prank war on each other, each man for himself, which ended in a truce. Yes, definitely fate._

Mr. Padfoot would like to congratulate Mr. Prongs on a story well told.

Mr. Moony thinks Mr. Prongs' grammar skills are lacking.

Mr. Prongs thanks Mr. Padfoot, and thinks Mr. Moony is mean.

Mr. Wormtail thinks it could have been better.

Mr. Padfoot dares Mr. Wormtail to try and do better.

Mr. Wormtail accepts the challenge.

_Once upon a time, there was a sorting feast song that mentioned the Marauders. Then the marauders were all sorted into Gryffindor. They got into a fight over the pudding at dessert, and the pudding landed on Mr. Moony's head. Mr. Moony retaliated, and a prank war ensued, and it ended in a truce and the naming of the Marauders._

Mr. Padfoot thinks that Mr. Wormtail's attempt could have been more epic.

Mr. Moony wants to see Mr. Padfoot write something more epic.

Mr. Wormtail agrees with Mr. Moony.

Mr. Padfoot accepts the challenge.

_And there they were, glaring at each other, occasionally glancing at the pudding. They held their glaring contest until Mr. Moony started to reach for the pudding. Then, they made their move. They darted for the pudding. And then it happened in a blink of an eye. Messrs. Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs suddenly released their hold on the pudding. It went sailing through the open air, only to land with a plop on Mr. Moony's head. Mr. Moony pulled out his death glare, before throwing globs of pudding at the offenders, while secretly planning a terrible revenge of itching powder in their beds._

Mr. Prongs congratulates Mr. Padfoot on a job well done.

Mr. Wormtail regretfully agrees with Mr. Prongs.

Mr. Padfoot was the best.

Mr. Moony disagrees, and thinks that Mr. Padfoot was unable to accurately portray the flow of events.

Mr. Padfoot didn't understand a word of what Mr. Moony just said.

Mr. Moony is pulling out his death glare.

Mr. Padfoot is sooo afraid.

Mr. Moony thinks the Marauders should move on to the next chapter.


	2. From the First Day

_After the incident with the pudding, the Marauders became inseparable... relatively. There was still the matter of Mr. Moony's revenge to keep them apart. Mr. Moony believed firmly in returning one's actions to them, and decided that if they were going to dump things on his head, he was going to dump things on their heads. Rather, he was going to make good use of the permanent sticking charm, something he'd read about on the train ride to Hogwarts. Well, a sticking charm and the assorted items he found underneath his bed. It wasn't the best form of revenge, but the feather duster was very used, the beetle was still alive, and the unknown spirally thing was old and dusty. Mr. Moony almost felt bad about sticking the poor beetle to Mr. Padfoot's ear while he was sleeping, be he never felt bad about sticking the helix to Mr. Prongs' forehead, or sticking the feather duster to the top of Mr. Wormtail's head._

Mr. Prongs thinks that Mr. Moony should have felt bad for making Mr. Prongs look like a unicorn with that spiral thingy.

Mr. Moony would like to remind Mr. Prongs that the proper term for 'that spiral thingy' is 'helix'.

Mr. Prongs doesn't care.

Mr. Padfoot remembers that Mr. Prongs made a very funny looking unicorn.

Mr. Prongs doesn't like Mr. Padfoot anymore.

Mr. Moony was unaware that Mr. Prongs liked Mr. Padfoot.

Mr. Padfoot wants Mr. Moony to shut up.

_Mr. Moony was successful in his mission and none of his victims woke up while Mr. Moony was busy with the sticking charm. That morning, Messrs. Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs were in for a surprise. Mr. Padfoot was the first to notice that there was something wiggling on his ear, and promptly screamed like a girl._

Mr. Padfoot denies that he screamed.

Mr. Wormtail remembers it clearly.

Mr. Moony also remembers that incident quite clearly.

Mr. Prongs was too preoccupied with his unicorn horn to notice much else.

Mr. Padfoot is glad that Mr. Prongs is on his side.

Mr. Prongs lied, and remembers how Mr. Padfoot screamed like a girl.

Mr. Padfoot declares war on Messrs. Moony, Wormtail, and Prongs.

Mr. Moony doesn't think that Mr. Padfoot has reason to declare war as Messrs. Moony, Wormtail, and Prongs were only declaring the truth.

Mr. Padfoot doesn't care, and declares a double war on Mr. Moony.

Mr. Moony didn't do anything.

Mr. Padfoot doesn't care, and declares a triple war on Mr. Moony.

_As Mr. Padfoot screamed,-_

Mr. Padfoot did not scream.

_-Messrs. Wormtail and Prongs also realized that they also had odd things attached to their heads. Mr. Moony found it quite funny to see Messrs. Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs run around like chickens with their heads chopped off._

Mr. Wormtail wonders how chicken can run around if their heads are chopped off.

Mr. Moony reminds Mr. Wormtail that Muggles have some very odd sayings.

_Alas, despite their efforts, Messrs. Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs were unable to cancel the sticking charms, or maybe they just didn't know which mysterious forces were keeping those things attached to their heads. They continued running in circles like idiots, pulling at the things attached to their heads. Shortly, Mr. Padfoot was screaming again-_

Mr. Padfoot does not scream, and declares a fourth war on Mr. Moony.

_-because he had managed to squish the poor beetle that was attached to his ear. Mr. Moony laughed harder, before deciding that his revenge was entirely complete. It took every ounce of mercy and compassion in Mr. Moony's heart for him to remove the sticking charm on the beetle, and he had no mercy or compassion left for Messrs. Wormtail and Prongs. After removing the sticking charm on Mr. Padfoot, Mr. Moony reminded his fellow marauders that they were going to be late for breakfast if they didn't leave right then. Amazingly, the Marauders didn't leave just then. They left quite a few minutes later, after several failed attempts to remove the other two sticking charms. Mr. Moony naturally couldn't help, but out of the bottom of his heart, he didn't leave without them._

Mr. Padfoot is unsure that Mr. Moony has a heart.

Mr. Moony disagrees.

_As it was, the Marauders were late for breakfast. When they opened the doors to the Great Hall, it was silent. And then a few people started to chuckle, embarrassing Messrs. Wormtail and Prongs to no end. Messrs. Moony and Padfoot, however, couldn't help but laugh with the other students. The laughter soon dies though, as the Marauders made their way to sit with their fellow Gryffindor first years. Breakfast was fairly uneventful, save for Evans asking about Mr. Prongs' unicorn horn._

"_Why do you have a bed spring attached to your forehead?" As she asked Mr. Prongs with a hint of laughter in her eyes, Mr. Moony burst out laughing, and she momentarily forgot about questioning Mr. Prongs, instead turning her attention to Mr. Moony and his laughter, "What's so funny? Why are you laughing?"_

"_Because I'm trapped in an elevator, that's why." Mr. Moony didn't want to give himself away, and stalled for time, saying the first thing that came to mind. Evans had a shocked look on her face; that was obviously not the answer she expected._

"_What?" She stared at Mr. Moony, with a look that demanded an explanation that Mr. Moony didn't want to give._

"_Exactly." With Mr. Moony's reply, Evans looked more confused. She must've decided to not pursue the matter further though, as she turned her attention back to her breakfast, but she wasn't the only one who turned their attention to her breakfast. Mr. Prongs was absolutely captivated with how she delicately patted at her mouth with her napkin after some pumpkin juice dribbled down her chin._

Mr. Prongs denies the above statement.

Mr. Moony doesn't care.

Mr. Padfoot also doesn't care and would like to remind Mr. Prongs that the rest of the Marauders witnessed this.

Mr. Prongs would like to remind Mr. Padfoot that the rest of the marauders were preoccupied with their food.

Mr. Wormtail thinks that Mr. Prongs' argument is weak.

Mr. Padfoot agrees with Mr. Wormtail.

Mr. Moony wants to continue the story.

_And while Mr. Prongs was captivated with Evans, Mr. Wormtail confronted Mr. Padfoot about the way he was eating breakfast, or rather, ice._

"_Are you chewing? You know I hate chewers." Mr. Wormtail couldn't stand listening to Mr. Padfoot make that awful sound, the sound of ice cubes being chewed, that horrible, noisy, loud, cold sound._

"_There is nothing wrong with chewing ice!" Mr. Padfoot responded, offended that his new friend had a problem with him._

Mr. Wormtail still thinks that chewing ice is a terrible habit.

Mr. Padfoot disagrees.

Mr. Wormtail is right.

Mr. Padfoot doesn't think Mr. Wormtail is right, and declares a double war on Mr. Wormtail.

Mr. Wormtail didn't do anything.

Mr. Padfoot declares a triple war on Mr. Wormtail.

Mr. Moony is continuing the story.

_Mr. Moony could only watch as Messrs. Wormtail and Padfoot continued to argue about the chewing of ice. It was a long argument that neither won. Meanwhile, Mr. Prongs was still staring at Evans-_

Mr. Prongs denies having stared that long.

Mr. Moony wonders if Mr. Prongs even remembers the argument about chewing ice.

Mr. Prongs concedes to Mr. Moony.

_-and continued to do so until McGonagall came around to hand out schedules. After Evans got her schedule, she got up to leave, and probably go to their first class, Transfiguration. As he watched her retreating back, Mr. Prongs called out, "Will I see you tomorrow?"_

_He got no reply, but he kept staring until she was out the door. He sighed as he could no longer see her, and then he had a schedule shoved into his face by Mr. Moony. McGonagall had become impatient with Mr. Prongs' being captivated by Evans,-_

Mr. Prongs denies having been that completely captivated.

Mr. Moony reminds Mr. Prongs that he was too captivated to notice McGonagall calling out his name.

Mr. Prongs concedes.

_- and had just given his schedule to Mr. Moony, telling him to give it to Mr. Prongs, and so he did, though rather rudely._

"_Sometimes you can be quite a pain." Mr. Prongs irately sighed as he stared at the door hoping that Evans would come back._

"_I know." Mr. Moony bluntly replied before leaving Mr. Prongs to his thoughts of Evans. Mr. Moony turned away from Mr. Prongs just in time to catch Mr. Padfoot being slapped by a fourth year Gryffindor-_

Mr. Padfoot wonders why this had to be brought up.

Mr. Moony reminds Mr. Padfoot that it was a memorable event.

Mr. Padfoot doesn't think that's a good reason to bring that up.

Mr. Moony doesn't care.

Mr. Padfoot declares a fifth war on Mr. Moony.

Mr. Prongs thinks Mr. Moony isn't going to live through the week.

Mr. Moony agrees with Mr. Prongs.

_-who looked to be quite offended. Mr. Moony never did quite find out what Mr. Padfoot did to deserve that, but he had a dazed look on his face as he rubbed the spot where she had slapped him. The marauders assume that he must've asked her on a date or something, from what he muttered as she stormed away._

_"We won't be skipping off into the sunset anytime soon, will we?" Mr. Padfoot's voice was very wistful and weary, probably due to his rejection. _

"_From the look on her face, I don't think so." Mr. Moony sardonically replied, thinking that Mr. Padfoot was just as captivated and dazed as Mr. Prongs. Naturally, Mr. Padfoot didn't reply._

Mr. Padfoot wonders how Mr. Moony could always be so mean.

Mr. Moony wasn't mean, just sarcastic.

Mr. Padfoot thinks sarcasm is mean.

Mr. Moony doesn't think that.

Mr. Padfoot declares a sixth war on Mr. Moony.

Mr. Moony isn't going to help Mr. Padfoot with his homework for the rest of the year.

Mr. Padfoot revokes all wars on Mr. Moony.

Mr. Moony might help Mr. Padfoot with some of his homework.

_As breakfast ended, the Marauders split up; Mr. Moony had brought his book bag with him to breakfast, but Messrs. Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs had forgotten them. So Mr. Moony headed to Transfiguration, while the others ran up to the dorms. Having prepared himself with a map of Hogwarts, Mr. Moony had an easy time finding his way to the classroom, which was more than the rest of the Marauders could claim. As it was, Messrs. Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs were late for class, but Mr. Moony was early. He chose a seat near the front, next to Evans. She seemed to him like the studious type, who took class seriously._

Mr. Prongs thinks Mr. Moony had a crush on Evans.

Mr. Moony denies that claim.

Mr. Prongs was right.

Mr. Moony isn't going to help Mr. Prongs with his homework either.

Mr. Padfoot thought Mr. Moony was still going to help him.

Mr. Moony never said that.

Mr. Prongs isn't going to take back what he said.

Mr. Moony hereby refuses to help Mr. Prongs with any homework the Marauders might have until the end of the year.

Mr. Padfoot still wonders if that includes him.

Mr. Moony is undecided as to Mr. Padfoot's receiving help.

_Mr. Moony sat next to Evans, and glanced over at her, noting her concentration. He looked toward what she was concentrating so hard on. She had a sketch book open, to a drawing of a tiger. It was a very good drawing, the parts that were completed, and Mr. Moony wondered what else she had in that sketch book._

"_You draw really well." Mr. Moony leaned over, observing her reactions. She was a little startled, but she looked like she appreciated the compliment._

"_Thanks." She spoke timidly. Mr. Moony wondered if she was used to receiving compliments. _

"_Do you draw much?" Mr. Moony didn't want the conversation to end, so he asked a question he hoped would interest her._

Mr. Prongs still wonders if Mr. Moony had a crush on Evans.

Mr. Moony wants Mr. Prongs to shut up so he can continue.

"_Well, I guess so. This book is filled." She spoke with more confidence, and Mr. Moony started to assume that she like drawing, and was going to continue the conversation, but was cut short by the bell._

_The other Marauders still weren't there when the bell rang, and it wasn't until five after that they arrived. McGonagall had quite the reaction saved up for them. She really dug into them, telling Mr. Prongs to get his 'horn' looked at, and asking Mr. Wormtail to remove the feather duster, only to find out that he couldn't, and then offering to turn Mr. Padfoot into a pocket watch. By then end of her tirade, some of the students were chuckling._


	3. In the Name of Food

_Two days after the sorting feast-_

Mr. Padfoot would like to remind Mr. Moony that this history is to be abridged and relatively short.

Mr. Prongs agrees with Mr. Moony and believes that the Marauders should only include the more memorable events, and not day-to-day activities.

Mr. Wormtail thinks that the more memorable events started in the Marauder's fifth year.

Mr. Moony remembers that there were certain events that caused other events, and are thus important to the story.

Mr. Padfoot concedes to Mr. Moony.

Mr. Moony will, however, skip ahead in the story.

Mr. Prongs thanks Mr. Moony.

_Not far into the year, the Marauders felt a need to disrupt dinner in the finest way possible. Rather, there was a school wide food fight. And in a magical food fight, you don't just throw food; you use the food as weapons. Loaves of French bread became swords. Sausage links became ropes. Baked Potatoes became grenades. Peas became deadly projectiles. Carrots were daggers. Pepper was thrown at eyes. Nothing was safe. And it all started with a duel... French bread style, fought between Messrs. Padfoot and Prongs._

Mr. Padfoot had fun in that duel.

Mr. Prongs agrees with Mr. Padfoot, and thinks that another duel should be staged at dinner.

Mr. Padfoot accepts Mr. Prongs' challenge, provided that the duel is fought with French bread again.

_Soon after the food fight, the Marauders stumbled upon the kitchens. Or, rather, an informant informed the Marauders of the location of the kitchens. Meaning, Mr. Prongs owled his dad and asked if there were any important secrets about Hogwarts that were considered essential to a stay at Hogwarts. Naturally, Mr. Prongs' father revealed the location of the kitchens. _

Mr. Prongs is ashamed that Mr. Moony revealed the identity of the Marauder's informant.

Mr. Moony denies having done something of the sort, as he has only referred to Mr. Prongs' dad, as Mr. Prongs' dad, and holds that if none know who Mr. Prongs is, then none know who Mr. Prongs' dad is.

Mr. Prongs regretfully concedes to Mr. Moony.

_But it wasn't the discovery of the kitchens that was monumental, though that discovery did lead to inordinate amounts of chocolate pudding and sweets. Regardless, what happened the first time the Marauders went to the kitchens was enough to make the Headmaster reconsider how he the house elves operated. See, before the Marauders got to Hogwarts, the Headmaster wanted to make sure that the children didn't take Hogwart's numerous house elves for granted, so he ordered the house elves to remain unseen by any students._

Mr. Padfoot thinks Mr. Moony is taking too long to get to the point.

Mr. Moony doesn't care.

Mr. Prongs agrees with Mr. Padfoot, and is thus commandeering the quill.

_Naturally, when the Marauders seek out the kitchens, they are hungry, so when they got to the kitchens and found them empty, they naturally decided to make use of the conveniently located ovens and pastry dough. Minutes later, Mr. Wormtail was covered in pastry dough, saying "Maaaan. I hate it when ovens explode."_

Mr. Moony would like the quill back, as Mr. Prongs' writing is terrible.

Mr. Prongs will never give back the quill.

Mr. Moony really wants the quill back.

Mr. Wormtail thinks that Mr. Prongs should look at the look in Mr. Moony's eyes.

Mr. Prongs will give back the quill.

_As it was nearing Christmas, the Marauders were busy attempting to break out of school to go to Hogsmeade for some butter beer. And that was how they came to be found at the cast iron gate to the school's grounds. It was locked and they had no clue as to how to unlock it, but that didn't mean they would give up without a fight. So naturally, they tried the first thing that came to mind: climbing over it._

Mr. Padfoot remembers what a bad idea that was.

Mr. Wormtail also remembers.

_After several failed attempts to climb over, the Marauders decided that they would try something else, which lead them to be attempting to claw a hole under the gate. After another failed attempt, Mr. Moony decided to take pity on their stupidity and use a charm they had learned earlier that day. _

"_Alohamora!"_

_Rather than working, the charm bounced off the gate with a large bang. Apparently, Mr. Moony had forgotten about all the wards Hogwarts had to keep the gates locked. Once Mr. Moony remembered the wards, he also remembered that the Headmaster was most likely on the way to the gates as an alarm usually warns the headmaster of any potentially dangerous spell cast on the wards. Before the Marauders could run, the Headmaster appeared, striding down the snowy lawn towards the gates. As he saw that it was only students, he visibly relaxed, but that didn't mean the Marauders weren't in trouble. Mr. Prongs poked Mr. Moony, whispering_ _"__Honestly! Can't you do anything right?"_

_The Headmaster arrived to find his favorite trouble makers to be the ones attempting to break out._

"_I believe detention is in order for all of you."_

"_But, Sir! We're already booked through Boxing Day!" Mr. Padfoot felt the express need to protest, and it only got the Marauders in more detention._

Mr. Padfoot regrets that.

Mr. Prongs still thinks that Mr. Padfoot should think before he speaks.

Mr. Moony agrees with Mr. Prongs.

_And that was what found the Marauders polishing the school's Magical Location Divining Globes. Polishing the globes wasn't even the worst part. The worst part was the Divination Teacher prophesying about something called a computer. However, on the way back from detention, that was the topic of conversation._

"_What could a computer be?" Mr. Padfoot was interested, thinking perhaps that it could aid in the pranking of the Slytherins. _

"_Maybe it has something to do with the Muggles." Mr. Prongs thought it didn't sound like a new spell, so he jumped to the only other conclusion._

"_Maybe they'll invent such a thing someday." Mr. Moony had a high opinion of Muggles, as his dad was one of them._

"_Are Muggles really that smart?" Mr. Padfoot asked stupidly, not remembering that Mr. Moony's dad was a Muggle._

Mr. Padfoot is regretful of that comment.

Mr. Moony reminds Mr. Padfoot that the past is past.

_Mr. Moony stopped dead in his tracks and took a swing at Mr. Padfoot's face, and connected with his nose, before walking away in a huff._

"_His dad's a Muggle, you know." Mr. Wormtail bluntly reminded Mr. Padfoot and, unknowingly, Mr. Prongs._

_"Congratulations. You are now a class-A jerk." Mr. Prongs decided to rub it in his face, like rubbing salt in an open wound. Mr. Padfoot, however, felt terrible. He really didn't mean to say it like that._

_Mr. Moony avoided the rest of the Marauders for months after that. What Mr. Padfoot said really hurt him, but it-_

Mr. Padfoot would like to apologise for the comment again.

Mr. Moony wishes for the past to stay in the past.

Mr. Wormtail wonders why Mr. Moony is writing this History.

Mr. Moony felt the need for a record of events in the Marauders' history.

Mr. Wormtail thought that history is the past.

Mr. Prongs is confused.

Mr. Padfoot agrees with Mr. Prongs.

_Weeks after their detention, the Marauders found themselves attending a seminar on detecting spies, a 'treat' for the First Year Students. They thought differently, especially since First Years were required to attend, and from the poster in the common room, they deduced that it would be quite stupid. There were to be two speakers, an auror named Moody, and a fruitcake named Lockheart. Well, the second guy looked like a fruitcake, what with his pinstriped suit and fancy cane. At the seminar, they were proved wrong. Moody was quite the guy._

Mr. Padfoot liked Moody, and thinks he would've been a better teacher.

Mr. Prongs wants to be an auror like Moody.

Mr. Padfoot agrees.

_Moody was always going on and on about 'Constant Vigilance'. He telling all about the ways a spy could blend in, and it was really cool for the Marauders. Except for Mr. Moony, perhaps, when Moody started talking about common methods of detecting Werewolves. He gave everyone all the information they needed to figure out that Mr. Moony was a Werewolf. He wanted to rip off Moody's wooden leg and throw it in the lake. He didn't have to though, as Lockheart did it for him. When it was Lockheart's turn to take the stage, he managed to trip Moody down the stairs, and Moody's fake leg went flying._

"_Lockheart, you idiot, go get it!" Moody growled so loud that the entire hall could hear him. Lockheart rushed to grab it, handing it to him with bows and apologies all around. Mr. Moony was probably the only one who found it funny. Lockhearts part was dull and pointless, as expected. As the first years left the hall, Mr. Moony worried about how many would figure out his secret. He was almost sure that he wouldn't be coming back for his second year._

Mr. Padfoot would've smuggled Mr. Moony into the school if they didn't let him come back.

Mr. Moony thanks Mr. Padfoot for the vote of confidence.

Mr. Padfoot reminds Mr. Moony that it is his duty as a Marauder.

Mr. Prongs would also do the same thing.

Mr. Wormtail agrees with Messrs. Padfoot and Prongs.

Mr. Moony is thankful for the Marauders, but refuses to forget the blue hair he woke up wit this morning.

Mr. Padfoot was obliged to try.

Mr. Moony thinks Mr. Padfoot will wake up with green hair tomorrow.

Mr. Padfoot isn't going to shower tomorrow.

Mr. Prongs thinks that Mr. Moony thought of that.

Mr. Wormtail would like to offer his condolences to Mr. Padfoot.

Mr. Moony remembers the beginning of Second year.

Mr. Padfoot would like Mr. Moony to not remember what he thinks Mr. Moony is remembering.

Mr. Moony declares that it is too late.

_It was the night after the sorting feast of their second year at Hogwarts. Mr. Moony had decided to shower that night, rather than in the morning, remembering what a disaster that had been last year. As the other Marauders got ready for bed, Mr. Moony got ready to go take a shower. _

"_Aren't you going to bed?" Mr. Prongs asked with a very distinct yawn, which he unsuccessfully tried to cover._

"_Nah, I'm gonna shower tonight, so don't use the bathroom, got that?" Mr. Moony certainly wasn't as tired as he should've been, but he couldn't help but yawn as well. _

"_No, sir!" Mr. Padfoot replied with an army salute, mocking Mr. Moony's paranoia. Mr. Prongs threw a pillow at Mr. Padfoot, with a look that told him that he didn't want a repeat of last year._

"_Are you sure about that?" Mr. Moony asked with a steely glint in his eye. _

"_No, sir!" Mr. Padfoot decided that retreat was the best course of action, lest he wake up with a beetle attached to his ear again._

"_Swear on it." Mr. Moony challenged, daring Mr. Padfoot to say 'No, Sir!' one more time._

_"I solemnly swear never to peek on guys in the shower. However, I won't look away if they leave the door open." Mr. Padfoot raised his right hand as he swore the oath._

"_Not quite what I wanted, but it'll work." Mr. Moony sighed as he walked into the bathroom, making sure to lock the door._

Mr. Padfoot thanks Mr. Moony for leaving out the embarrassing parts.

Mr. Moony wasn't planning on leaving those out.

Mr. Padfoot is commandeering the quill.

Mr. Prongs doesn't think that's a good idea.

Mr. Moony would like to draw the chapter to a close.

Mr. Padfoot agrees.


	4. By the Wolf's Howl

_The Marauders' second year went off without a hitch, well, sort of. At the start of term feast, there was naturally a disturbance caused by the Marauders, but that was normal, or soon to be normal. _

"_When are we going to set them off? I want to set them off now!" Mr. Padfoot whined, anxious to set their prank in motion._

"_Have patience, I know it's hard for you." Mr. Moony replied in his normal you're-being-dumb drawl._

"_Yeah, and stop nagging us." Mr. Prongs spoke up and agreed with Mr. Moony._

_"The local store ran out of patience, so I'm just going to keep nagging." Mr. Padfoot had read the phrase in a book last year, and decided that now was a good time to use it._

"_Weren't those the famous last words of Sir Filkeds Goorsney Hramin, the Third, MLE Head Auror in 1649, who lead the revolution against the socialist government?" Mr. Moony remembered who Mr. Padfoot was quoting, and called him on it._

"_How do you know all this stuff?" Mr. Wormtail questioned in awe. And then came the fireworks, literally. That year, they started the year off with a bang, and a lot of Filibusters' Finest. _

"_I've hit rock bottom again." Mr. Padfoot muttered as a certain girl from last year approached him. He tried to turn away, but that ended badly as a stray bit of sparks collided with his face._

"_My face!" Mr. Padfoot wailed as Messrs. Moony, Wormtail, and Prongs had a good laugh at his expense._

Mr. Padfoot thinks he is under appreciated.

Mr. Prongs appreciates Mr. Padfoot.

Mr. Moony also appreciates the comic relief Mr. Padfoot provides on a daily basis.

Mr. Padfoot feels belittled.

Mr. Moony would like to remind Mr. Padfoot that this is a good example of the comic relief, and invites Mr. Padfoot to continue.

Mr. Padfoot is going to seek revenge.

Mr. Moony would like for Mr. Padfoot to bring it on.

_But the real trouble didn't start until later in the Marauders' second year, when-_

Mr. Padfoot disagrees, and thinks that there was never any real trouble, just more extreme fun.

Mr. Moony thinks that Mr. Padfoot's way of thinking is going to get him in jail.

Mr. Padfoot realizes this, and has faith that Mr. Prongs would bail him out.

_Later in the Marauder's second year, they found out a disturbing secret of Mr. Moony-_

Mr. Prongs denies that the secret was disturbing.

Mr. Wormtail agrees.

_It was shortly before Christmas, and Messrs. Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs had an espionage mission planned. Mr. Moony had made it known to them that his mother was still terribly ill, and he had to go see her. Unbeknownst to Mr. Moony, the Marauders had started to think that he was hiding something, though they were certainly not bright enough-_

Mr. Padfoot resents that comment.

_- to figure out what the timing of Mr. Moony's absences really meant. They were too stupid-_

Mr. Padfoot declares war on Mr. Moony.

_Either way, Messrs. Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs were on a mission, grave as the gravy. The Common Room was relatively empty, though that might have had something to do with the dungbombs dropped by the Marauders, purposefully done to make their mission easier. _

Mr. Prongs would like to take over writing as Mr. Moony cannot give an accurate account of what happened, as Mr. Moony was a werewolf at the time.

Mr. Moony concedes to Mr. Prongs, and gladly hands the quill over.

Mr. Padfoot wants to write!

Mr. Moony doesn't think that's a good idea.

Mr. Padfoot declares a Second War on Mr. Moony.

Mr. Prongs regretfully agrees with Mr. Moony.

Mr. Padfoot declares war on Mr. Prongs.

Mr. Prongs is soo scared.

Mr. Moony wants the story to continue.

_Right, after the Marauders set off dungbombs in the Gryffindor common room, they proceeded to don their disguise. It wasn't a very masterful disguise, but it was functional to a degree. Messrs. Padfoot and Prongs each stuffed themselves in one of the legs in a pair of Hagrid's pants they had stolen from the elves. Mr. Wormtail stood on their shoulders and wore Hagrid's shirt. At first the shirt was way too big on him, but they found a solution. _

"_It's too big!" Mr. Wormtail complained to the others, as the shirt was indeed twice the size of him._

"_How do we make it bigger?" Mr. Prongs whispered ferociously._

"_How should I know?" Mr. Padfoot said indignantly._

"_You were the one who wanted to do this." Mr. Prongs agued._

"_Yeah, and you agreed!" Mr. Prongs argued back._

"_Maybe we could use Umbrellas!"_

Mr. Wormtail thinks that that was a bad idea.

Mr. Moony wonders why.

Mr. Wormtail was repeatedly stabbed by umbrellas.

_Mr. Wormtail had a reasonable idea for once, and so that was what they did. The searched the dorms for an umbrella or two, to make the shirt look big enough. Eventually they remembered that there was an umbrella stand in the common room, and headed back down. Also in the stand was a walking stick... And an oversized Knitting needle. _

Mr. Padfoot remembers being beaten by that stick.

Mr. Moony gives his condolences to Mr. Padfoot.

Mr. Padfoot thanks Mr. Moony.

Mr. Prongs had fun with that.

Mr. Wormtail thinks he should've joined Mr. Prongs in Mr. Padfoot's punishment with the Knitting needle.

Mr. Padfoot declares a second war on Mr. Prongs, and a first war on Mr. Wormtail.

_Mr. Padfoot once again screamed like a girl-_

Mr. Padfoot declares a third war on Mr. Prongs.

Mr. Prongs thinks he should've threatened to shove the knitting needle up Mr. Padfoot's arse.

Mr. Padfoot refuses to revoke the wars on Mr. Prongs.

Mr. Prongs officially threatens to shove a knitting needle up Mr. Padfoot's arse if he does not revoke the wars.

Mr. Wormtail thinks that Mr. Padfoot should concede.

Mr. Padfoot will never concede.

_- when Mr. Prongs thought to use the walking stick as a weapon. Momentarily, the Marauders lost sight of their mission in favor of a pillow war, which quickly ended, as the Marauders realized that they needed to get going on making their Hagrid costume look real. It didn't really look real until they threw on two cloaks and a cape to hide the umbrellas. Really, the cape was just a bit of flare. So they left the common room, and wandered the halls as Hagrid. Little did they know that they had forgotten one essential thing: Hagrid's head, which they didn't realize until they meet Peeves along the way. _

"_Hairy Hagrid lost's his head!" Peeves cackled as he approached them._

"_Keep walking. Just keep walking." Mr. Prongs whispered to Mr. Padfoot._

"_I'm not walking. I'm hopping, you idiot." Mr. Padfoot was not happy about hopping like a bunny._

"_Shh. Peeves could hear you!" Mr. Wormtail whispered to his 'feet'. _

"_Was that your foot?" Mr. Prongs felt something dig into his neck and automatically assumed that it had to be the foot of the person standing on his shoulder, Mr. Wormtail._

_"No, that was not my foot." Mr. Wormtail whispered back to Mr. Prongs, pretending that it didn't happen, as he had meant to do that to Mr. Padfoot instead._

_Five minutes later, Mr. Padfoot felt the need to ask if they had remembered to give Hagrid a head._

"_Did we put a head on this thing?" Mr. Padfoot asked stupidly, failing to remember if they had thought of that or not._

"_I don't think we did." Mr. Wormtail put in his two cents._

"_We didn't." Mr. Prongs sardonically responded._

_"And you know that how?" Mr. Padfoot objected._

"_I helped make it, duh." Mr. Prongs retorted sarcastically, knowing Mr. Padfoot would feel like an idiot. Mr. Padfoot didn't have time to feel like an idiot as Mr. Wormtail got off balance, toppling the group over, and breaking his arm. In the downfall, Mr. Prongs twisted his ankle, and they were quite the sight, going to the hospital wing. Unfortunately, none of them knew where they were as Mr. Wormtail had been the one giving directions, much less how to get to the hospital wing. Eventually, they stopped and asked a painting of a talking chariot how to get to the hospital wing, and it lead them there, hopping from painting to painting. It seemed that the painting didn't know where to go either and it took an hour to get there, and when they stumbled into the ward, it was well past curfew._

"_Oh, dear! What happened?" Madame Quilltins gushed as she rushed over to the door, her apprentice Pomfrey in tow._

Mr. Wormtail misses Quilltins.

Mr. Padfoot agrees.

"_We fell." Mr. Wormtail elaborated, thinking that she would accept that._

"_Down the stairs." Mr. Padfoot added, knowing that the nurse was already suspicious._

"_In the dorm." Mr. Prongs threw in, remembering how late it was._

"_Right," She sounded disbelieving, but she wasn't going to ask. "Now, who's hurt?"_

"_Well, I think I broke something." Mr. Wormtail intoned promptly._

"_Twisted my ankle." Mr. Prongs spoke up._

"_And you?" She further inquired._

"_I wasn't hurt, Madam'." Mr. Padfoot replied._

"_But I'm assuming you also fell down the stairs?"_

"_Yes, Madam'."_

"_You might have a concussion, now go find a bed each of you. Poppy, could you see to the one with the ankle?" The Mediwitch ordered, as she followed Mr. Wormtail, to heal his arm. Their injuries were quickly taken care of, and Messrs. Wormtial and Prongs got to leave for the night. Mr. Padfoot had to stay the night, as he had a bad concussion._

Mr. Padfoot still thinks that concussion was because of the walking stick.

Mr. Prongs reminds Mr. Padfoot that the Marauders wouldn't have known about Mr. Moony if it weren't for the cane.

Mr. Padfoot regretfully concedes to Mr. Prongs, but does not revoke the wars.

Mr. Moony would like for the story to continue.

_The next morning, Mr. Padfoot woke early, right before dawn, and couldn't fall back asleep, so he laid in bed for a few minutes, not wanting to abandon the warmth of the covers just yet. And then the door to the hospital opened, and Quilltins walked in, escorting Mr. Moony, talking in hushed tones._

"_Now, you need to rest, you gave yourself a pretty nasty bite last night." She comforted in the usual mediwitch manner, complete with hushed tones and soothing voice. It was then that Mr. Padfoot started to connect the dots. In a matter of seconds, he put it all together, and determined that Mr. Moony was a werewolf._


	5. To the Library

_He raced into the common room, or rather slid. Weird looks went around the room as he sped over to the corner the other Marauders were in. "Guys! Guys! Guys! You'd never believe what I just saw!"_

"_There's a bunny tap dancing with a perfume bottle on a dressing table in the great hall?" Mr. Prongs anticipated, half expecting it to be true._

"_No, but that's a great idea. We should try it some time. Anyways-" Mr. Padfoot whispered as his eyes shifted around the common room, not trusting the ears around him. "Can we talk somewhere.. More private?"_

"_It's that important?" Mr. Wormtail questioned just as softly, in disbelief that Mr. Padfoot had gotten a hold of information that sensitive._

"_Yes, let's go!" He grabbed them by the wrists and pulled them out the portrait. Outside the portrait, he still wasn't sure about the security of where they were. He took off down the hallway, the other Marauders closely following. That was until Mr. Prongs fell flat on his face, yelling "Ow. Ow! OW! I've got a cramp."_

Mr. Moony laughs at Mr. Prongs.

Mr. Prongs would like to join Mr. Padfoot in the war on Mr. Moony.

Mr. Padfoot accepts Mr. Prongs' request.

"_What should we do? Should we take him to the Hospital Wing?" Mr. Wormtail said uncertainly as Mr. Prongs lay on the floor, recovering from his fall._

"_I think my nose is broken," whined Mr. Prongs from the floor, obviously in pain._

"_No, this is too important!" Mr. Padfoot practically yelled, right as Mr. Prongs was moaning about his nose._

"_Then tell us, you dolt!" It seemed that Mr. Prongs had quite the temper when he was in pain._

"_We need some where more private." That said, he walked down the hallway he had just been down, only to realize that his friends weren't following, so he turned and went back for them, still thinking about where a good hiding place would be. _

"_Let's try in there," Mr. Wormtial said, pointing to a door Mr. Padfoot hadn't noticed earlier._

"_That door wasn't there before." Mr. Padfoot stated, distinctly remembering a blank wall before._

"_And that matters why?" Mr. Prongs intoned before getting off the floor, walking to the door, and pulling it open to reveal a comfortable sitting room, complete with a dressing table and a tap dancing bunny with a perfume bottle. As he stared in wondered, he whispered, __"I'm on a roll today."_

Mr. Moony wonders about the validity of that statement.

Mr. Prongs holds that he was on a roll that day.

Mr. Moony bites his thumb at Mr. Prongs.

Mr. Padfoot is astounded that Mr. Moony would do something so vulgar.

Mr. Wormtail agrees with Mr. Padfoot.

Mr. Prongs would like to join Mr. Padfoot in a second war on Mr. Moony.

Mr. Padfoot gleefully accepts Mr. Prongs' proposal.

_He slowly walked in to the room in awe and wonder. Messrs. Padfoot and Wormtail quickly followed, curious as to what had their friend so utterly captivated. When they saw what it was, they only burst out laughing. Before entering and taking seats. _

"_Who set up that?" Mr. Prongs was still in wonder, staring at the bunny. It amazed him to no end._

"_Who knows, but whoever they are, I think they should give us some pointers." Mr. Padfoot had almost forgotten about the reason why they were in there. He quickly remembered though. _

"_It's a real feat, I mean-" Mr. Wormtail started before being interrupted by Mr. Padfoot._

"_Now before I tell you, you need to swear to secrecy." Mr. Padfoot urgently spoke, staring them both in the eyes. _

"_I'll keep it secret, I swear." Mr. Prongs spoke up after a moment of silent stare downs._

"_Me too." Mr. Wormtail quickly agreed after Mr. Prongs._

"_Alright. You know how we were trying to figure out Lupin's secret, and I got a concussion and had to stay in the Hospital Wing last night?"_

"_Yeah, so... the plan failed, right?" Mr. Prongs failed to see why Mr. Padfoot was bringing up the failure of last night again._

"_So, I saw Quilltins walk in to the hospital wing with him this morning, and guess what she said?"_

"_I don't know?" Mr. Wormtail questioned with a confused look on his face_

"_She told him about the bunny tap dancing on the dressing table with the bottle of perfume." Mr. Prongs joked, thinking it was something dumb like that._

"_You make me want to hurl. What is with your obsession with that anyways?" It didn't take much to get him off track._

"_Oh, never mind; just tell us what she said." Mr. Prongs decided that Mr. Padfoot needed reminding of his original purpose._

"_Oh, right. She said he needed to rest because he gave himself a pretty nasty bite last night."_

"_I don't get it." Mr. Wormtail once again sounded like an idiot, Mr. Prongs nodded in agreement._

"_Don't you see, he's a werewolf! Last night was the full moon, remember how Slughorn threatened to send us out into the forest on a full moon to gather Banes' root for that detention we served with him? And then he said it wouldn't work on a count of werewolves? And then he told us when the full moons were so we knew when to not be in the forest?" Mr. Padfoot was frantic now, with trying to get them to piece it together, like he had that morning in the hospital wing. Mr. Prongs gasped in realization, finally believing Mr. Padfoot._

"_See, I told you!" He laughed at them in his triumph. He was victorious._

"_What should we do? You know how dangerous werewolves are!" Mr. Wormtail naturally doubted the safety of the situation, having grown up listening to stories about how dangerous were wolves were._

"_I don't know, but telling him that we know would be a start." Mr. Padfoot stated it plainly, knowing that Mr. Moony would really want to know that they knew._

"_We do need to go to the Hospital Wing," intoned Mr. Prongs, who was holding his nose, still obviously in pain._

"_Yeah, let's go." Mr. Padfoot got up quickly and headed out the door. The other two followed not two seconds later. As soon as they were out the door, Mr. Prongs remembered the tap dancing bunny._

"_Wait, I wanted to grab that bunny." He turned around only to discover that the door was gone again._

"_Woah, the door's gone!" Mr. Padfoot was amazed that the door could disappear like that. He didn't even know that disappearing doors existed. Little did they know what wonders they had stumbled upon._

"_Let's just go." Mr. Prongs was anxious to get to the Hospital Wing and Quilltins' pain relievers. _

Mr. Moony would like to resume writing the story.

Mr. Prongs reluctantly hands over the quill.

Mr. Moony thanks Mr. Prongs for his compliance.

_Later, Messrs. Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs trooped into the hospital wing. Mr. Moony wondered what they did that time, all the while hoping that they wouldn't see him there. His luck was run out as Mr. Prongs was led to another part of the Wing, and the other two made a beeline for him. As they approached, he mumbled to himself very dramatically, __"Why is that every time you're around, I get the feeling that doom is going to befall us?"_

"_That's because it usually does." Mr. Padfoot stated casually, letting Mr. Moony know that he had heard what wasn't supposed to be heard._

"_What are you doing here, anyways?" Mr. Moony pressed, hoping that they hadn't figured it out yet. _

"_Jamie fell again, but that's not why we're here. Look, we know about your furry little problem." Mr. Padfoot stated, getting it out before he lost the nerve to. Mr. Moony paled visibly._

"_It doesn't change anything though." Mr. Wormtail put in seeing the color drain from Mr. Moony's face. As cowardly as he was, he was still somewhat compassionate. Mr. Moony struggled for words, and Mr. Padfoot spoke up again. "Yeah, what he said. Same goes for me and Jamie. We got your back."_

_Mr. Moony had never known anyone to react like that after finding out. Even his magical mother had shunned him, and he grew up with his dad, who was just as terrified. A tear rolled down his cheek, another rare occurrence for the werewolf._

Mr. Padfoot laughs at Mr. Moony.

Mr. Moony thinks Mr. Padfoot would've done the same.

Mr. Padfoot concedes.

_Quilltins had finished with Mr. Prongs, and he signaled for the other two to come with, disrupting the moment. They left without a word, leaving Mr. Moony to his astonishment. They had some research to do, and a prank involving perfume, a tap dancing bunny, and a dressing table to plan._

Mr. Prongs would like to commence writing the rest of the chapter.

Mr. Moony woefully agrees.

_From the hospital wing they went to the library, a place they had never seen before. As they walked through the doors, Madame Prince gave them a weird look, not knowing their faces. They headed up to her and asked her where they could find information on magical creatures. She pointed at a sign next to her that displayed how the library was organized. The magical creatures section was on there in orange. They all felt dumb. _

_Mr. Prongs pulled down the first book he saw in the section, and looked at the table of contents. Werewolves, page 225._

_Flipping to the section, the three bent over the book to read it. One line stood out in particular._

"_... Their bite will turn any human in to a werewolf, but doesn't affect other animals or animagi."_

_That moment was the moment that they decided to become animagi. Mr. Padfoot pulled out a scroll of parchment and wrote down the word, animagi, determined to undergo the transformation for his friend. He had no doubt that his fellows would join him. They checked out some other books about animagi, and left, receiving another odd look from the librarian on the way out. Their first mission complete, they headed for the dorm, since Mr. Prongs had a certain prank he wanted to pull off._

_Entering the common room, they were confronted by one of the prefects, who had gotten some complaints about some smell coming from their room, __"There's a funny smell coming out of your room."_

"_We'll get right on that." Mr. Padfoot reported before rushing past and up the stairs, with no intention of actually taking care of the stench. When they arrived at their room though, they decided they had to take care of the stench, as someone had soaked a feather in perfume, and had an owl deliver it to their dorm. They had no doubt that it was their arch nemesis, Snape. The plotted the exact revenge Mr. Prongs had wanted: a bunny tap dancing with a perfume bottle on a dressing table in the great hall, singing praises to Snape for the feather soaked in perfume that was taped to its back._


	6. In the Average Day

_Mr. Moony was the first to wake up, as always. And as always, it was up to him to rouse his dorm mates, unwilling as they were. Thus, each morning, he thought of a new and inventive way to get Messrs. Padfoot, Prongs, and Wormtail out of their beds. This particular morning it took the shape of a thesaurus, and a rather heavy one at that._

Mr. Padfoot wishes Mr. Moony's writing style wasn't so bookish.

Mr. Moony thinks there is nothing wrong with his writing style.

Mr. Prongs agrees with Mr. Padfoot.

Mr. Moony is appalled that Mr. Prongs is taking Mr. Padfoot's side.

Mr. Prongs doesn't care, and would like Mr. Moony to please give the quill to Mr. Padfoot.

Mr. Padfoot didn't want to write!

Mr. Wormtail is confused.

Mr. Moony wonders why Mr. Padfoot was complaining.

Mr. Prongs will take the quill if that's how Mr. Padfoot feels.

Mr. Moony vows revenge.

Mr. Padfoot is sooo scared.

_It was the dawn of a new day, the sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and there was a thesaurus in the air – THUD! SCREAM! The thesaurus was not part of Mr. Padfoot's dream, and he didn't notice it until it was too late. It would seem that Mr. Moony had struck again. Mr. Prongs was thankful that Mr. Moony had not dropped the thesaurus on his head, though it started floating towards his bed. Mr. Prongs decided that it was a great time to declare his state of wakefulness. "Bloody hell, Moony!" Here he yawned. " Pads' scream was enough to-o-o wake the dead." Mr. Prongs yawned, observing that the heavy book was now floating towards the last bed, whose occupant was still asleep, unfortunately for him. Mr. Wormtail was in for the same rude awakening Mr. Padfoot got. Then it was the inevitable battle for the shower. The three always fought over who got the cold shower head on the end. Their bathroom only had three showers, and one of them never got warm. Mr. Padfoot was quick to bribe for the sake of not getting the cold shower. His bribe: chocolate. "I'll give you my stash of chocolate, I swear!"_

"_I wouldn't believe him." Mr. Moony drawled, lying on his bed, as his task had been accomplished._

"_You hit me with a book! You're supposed to be on my side!" Mr. Padfoot indignantly whined, sad that no one was ever on his side._

"_In fact, I think I saw Pete eating your chocolate last night..."_

"_You don't know that that was my chocolate!"_

"_If it wasn't your chocolate, then why did the wrappers say 'Sirius' chocolate'?"_

"_I've been framed!" Mr. Padfoot wailed, before realizing that the other two had gone and taken the hot showers already, his day already looked bleak._

Mr. Padfoot thinks that he is framed way too often for things he didn't do.

Mr. Prongs thinks that Mr. Moony should stop waking up the Marauders with textbooks.

Mr. Wormtail agrees with Messrs. Padfoot and Prongs, and declares war on Mr. Moony.

Mr. Moony will continue to use which ever methods work for waking up the Marauders, and denies any basis for a war.

Mr. Prongs will join Mr. Wormtail in the war on Mr. Moony.

Mr. Padfoot would also like to join the war on Mr. Moony.

Mr. Moony thinks that this is outrageously unfair.

Mr. Padfoot doesn't care.

_The doors to the great hall opened with a bang and a box of fireworks. None of the students really looked up though. They must've gotten used to that entrance. The Marauders shared a glance, each one of them thinking that they needed to have a meeting to plan more unusual entrances to the Great Hall. It just wasn't as fun when no one reacted to it. They chatted as they walked to their table, Gryffindor._

"_Moony. My head hurts." Mr. Padfoot whined, knowing it probably wouldn't get him anywhere._

"_Do you want me to kiss it and make it all better?" In the usual manner, Mr. Moony replied to Mr. Padfoot's whining, sarcastically, of course._

"_No, that's disgusting... But a head massage would help." Mr. Padfoot was outraged that Mr. Moony wanted to kiss him. Unfortunately, he failed to pick up on the obvious use of sarcasm._

"_I do not love you that much, Pads." _

"_What do I have to do to get a massage around here?!" Mr. Padfoot stalked off to the table, upset that he wasn't getting what he wanted. Meanwhile, Messrs. Prongs and Wormtail were having an interesting conversation about the dream Mr. Wormtail had been having before he woke up._

"_...and my mother was twirling around in a skirt. I mean really! A skirt." Mr. Wormtail was talking very conversationally, in a very story-telly mood._

"_Your mother wears skirts?"_

_"Don't be so daft. Of course she doesn't wear skirts." Mr. Wormtail was a morning person, unlike most of the other Marauders, who were absolute zombies in the morning until an hour after they got food._

"_But didn't you just say-" Mr. Prongs was confused, and scratched his head while trying to cover up a large yawn. First Mr. Wormtail's mother wore skirts and now she didn't. Couldn't Mr. Wormtail make up his mind?_

"_Prongsie, it's too early in the morning for you to be thinking." Mr. Padfoot had overheard the last bit of the conversation, and saved Mr. Prongs from further confusion. Really, Mr. Padfoot wasn't much better off than Mr. Prongs._

Mr. Prongs wonders why none of the marauders are morning people.

Mr. Moony thinks that it is impossible to know.

Mr. Wormtail says that Mr. Prongs for got him.

Mr. Prongs is very sorry, but still wonders why.

_Half way through History of Magic class, Mr. Wormtail was sleeping, Mr. Prongs was trying to stay awake, Mr. Padfoot was doodling, and Mr. Moony was taking notes. Mr. Moony was quit interested in what they were studying, the magical properties of the Hookah. Mr. Padfoot was sad that he ran out of parchment to doodle on and decided that he would continue doodling on his arm._

"_The magical properties of the Hookah were very mystical to its first users, the Egyptian Priests. When used right, it induced a peaceful aura, free of the troubles of the world. Before long, the priests became addicted to this, which led to-" Binns droned on and on for ages, with Mr. Moony diligently taking notes, until he noticed Mr. Padfoot doodling on himself._

"_Don't doodle on yourself, Pads!" Mr. Moony hissed at the offending Mr. Padfoot, who was really doodling on himself, and had even managed to replicate the Hookah sitting on a shelf behind Binns' desk. Mr. Moony was amazed at the accuracy with witch Mr. Padfoot had drawn the Hookah on himself._

_"Can I doodle on your face? I'm all out of paper."__ It seemed that Mr. Padfoot was still only half awake, and still not speaking coherently. Mr. Moony sighed and continued to take notes, declaring to himself that Mr. Padfoot was a lost cause._

Mr. Padfoot denies that he is a lost cause.

Mr. Moony thinks that Mr. Prongs is putting words into Mr. Moony's mouth.

Mr. Prongs has no clue what Mr. Moony is talking about.

Mr. Moony would like Mr. Prongs to stop telling lies about Mr. Moony's opinion.

_The four Marauders had just exited the History of Magic class room, completely drowsy, almost missing the secret passage to the Transfiguration hallway. Mr. Moony steered them all in the right direction, whispering "Don't get lost!" which was the secret password to that particular shortcut. In that shortcut, it was quite hard not to get lost though, since it was one of the main shortcuts that had many other short cuts that intersected with it and branched off of it. It was always hard to figure out just which passage led where. Fortunately for them, the Transfiguration hallway was on the main part of the shortcut. Good for them, they weren't late._

Mr. Wormtail thinks that the Marauders should make a map of that particular shortcut.

Mr. Prongs thinks that the Marauders should make a map of the entire school and all the secrets in it.

Mr. Padfoot agrees with Messrs. Wormtail and Prongs.

Mr. Moony regretfully admits that Messrs. Wormtail, Prongs, and Padfoot have a good idea that should be expanded on.

Mr. Prongs thinks it is a challenge for a rainy day.

"_Today, we will be transfiguring a Rocking Chair into Bed Sheets. This should be a review for you. I will be grading you on the quality of sheets you produce. You may begin." McGonagall finished her lecture of instructions before sitting at her desk to wait for someone to make some sort of progress, which was when she would walk around the room offering criticism. That's what she did every time._

"_Scamnum abeo ut Ovis!" Of the Marauders, Mr. Prongs was the first to transfigure his chair successfully in to sheets, though the sheets were very thin, brown, and opaque looking. He didn't think they were very good, but apparently McGonagall did. She rushed over, gushing over how much talent he had to be able to transfigure a rocking chair into something as complex as nylon. For that alone, she let him keep the sheets and leave class early._

_Naturally, he wouldn't leave without a flashy exit, so he tied the sheet around his neck like a cape, and whispered the smoke spitting charm under his breath as he stalked out of the room, leaving his class mates to think that he was kicked out of the room._

Mr. Prongs had so much fun doing that.

Mr. Moony thinks that it was inappropriate behavior.

Mr. Prongs had fun, and declares that inappropriateness has nothing to do with it.

Mr. Padfoot agrees with Mr. Prongs.

Mr. Prongs is happy to have Mr. Padfoot's support.

_The portrait swung closed behind them after dinner, where Mr. Prongs had made yet another spctatular entrance with his nylon sheet-cape-rocking-chair. He even attached a song to the cape, so is not only smoked, but sang too. After dinner, there was an unofficial party for the 7__th__ years. Apparently one of them had turned 18 and his Muggle twin sent him 12 cases of beer. Naturally, Messrs. Padfoot and Prongs were invited to join in. Little did they know that Mr. Moony had set up a sensory charm, as was watching the spectacle of the two drunken Marauders from the safety of their dorm room with Mr. Wormtail. As the two watched Messrs. Padfoot and Prongs make fools out of themselves by dancing when drunk, Mr. Moony commented, "I love drunks. They're so funny."_

Mr. Padfoot wonders why Mr. Moony had to bring that up.

Mr. Moony wasn't the one writing.

Mr. Wormtail remembers that Mr. Prongs was the one writing.

Mr. Padfoot declares another war on Mr. Prongs.

Mr. Moony wonders how many wars have been declared on each other, but never actually carried out.

Mr. Prongs agrees with Mr. Moony and thinks that the Marauders should forget all the wars.

Mr. Padfoot isn't letting Mr. Prongs go that easy.

Mr. Wormtail wonders what happened to the alliance against Mr. Moony.

Mr. Prongs agrees that Mr. Wormtail has a really good point.

Mr. Moony doesn't want to be hauled into this.

Mr. Padfoot still declares war on Mr. Prongs, regardless of treaties and alliances.

Mr. Prongs would like to remind Mr. Padfoot that it was his idea to have someone other than Mr. Moony write the story, and thus his fault.

Mr. Wormtail really agrees with Mr. Prongs.

Mr. Padfoot is going to get revenge someday.


	7. There's Nothing More

"Harry, I don't think we can find anything more. Even _Hogwarts, A History _says that we shouldn't have been able to find this… whatever it is." Hermione fervently whispered across the table of odd history books. One of them was, naturally, _Hogwarts, A History_, opened to a page titled "Secret Societies of Hogwarts". Another one was their History of Magic text book, opened to the section about Marauders of the 17th century Goblin Rebellion. Further down on the table was a magical index of Hogwarts' Library, with a list of books related to their search keyword, 'marauders'. However, the text Hermione was referring to was more than just a history book with a vague reference to the Marauders; in fact, it was the best source of information the library held about the Marauders, _The Marauders' Abridged History Book_.

"Hermione, you're just upset 'cause it's not written like a real history book should be." Ron said a little more loudly than he should've in the library, biting off part of his doughnut, earning a glare from Madame Prince.

"I am _not_ upset that it's an improperly written history. I'm upset that we can't find anything more." Hermione glared across the table at Ron, just as he was about to take another bite. Her glare didn't go unnoticed but the offending party of course.

"What?" Ron whined seconds later, oblivious as to what he had said to make Hermione angry with him, "Well, you're obviously upset about something, that's certain." He muttered to himself as he got up to escape the situation, feigning that he needed to throw away a piece of paper.

"RONALD WEASLEY, I heard that!" Hermione growled at the fleeing form of Ronald Weasley. He stopped dead in his tracks, and slowly turned around, knowing that her tone was the kind that women, his mother and sister included, used when they were about to tell off a bloke.

"Hermione-" Ron started, trying to offset her temper.

"Look guys, there's nothing more to find, I get it, now could you stop fighting?" Harry interrupted, not wanting to hear the oncoming fight.

"Well, now where do we look? There's obviously nothing more in the library, and it's amazing that we found this at all." Hermione quickly calmed down, a women thing, Ron thought, ready to bite your head off one moment, then calm and helpful the next, bloody females.

"I don't know, but I need fresh air, especially after last night." Harry said quietly, assimilating the new information about his parents and their friends.

"Yeah, mate, let's go down to the lake." Ron suggested.

* * *

"He's _packing_?" said Harry, alarmed. "Why?"

"Leavin', isn' he?" said Hagrid, looking surprised that Harry had to ask. "Resigned firs' thing this mornin'. Says he can't risk it happenin' again."

Harry scrambled to his feet.

"I'm going to see him," he said to Ron and Hermione.

"But if he's resigned—"

"—doesn't sound like there's anything we can do—"

"I don't care. I still want to see him. I'll meet you back here." [*]

* * *

Harry took the map and grinned.

"You told me Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs would've wanted to lure me out of school… you said they'd have thought it was funny."

"And so we would have," said Lupin, now reaching down to close his case. "I have no hesistation in saying that James would have been highly disappointed if his son had never found any of the secret passages out of the castle." [*]

* * *

The two sat in comfortable silence for a few seconds, before Mr. Moony voiced what had been on his mind all day.

"Say, Harry, there's something I'd like to show you."

**

* * *

**

IMPORTANT

_Author's note:_ This may be the end of this story, but, it continues in my other story, which needs a better name that fits with the other two names of my Marauder stories… anyways it continues in _The Marauder's Unabridged History, Vol__ 47_. Go check it out, I'll be updating there soon!

_Disclaimer:_ I don't own the Marauders or the Golden Trio or Hagrid. However, in this chapter, I included a selection from the book, denoted by a [*]. I do not own those sections.


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